Saying goodbye to my island home

A few months ago, I came back to Hawaii seeking comfort. And a few months after that, I decided I was ready to move on with my life. The islands healed me, and I knew I was ready for new adventures and a new chapter. Saying goodbye to my island home wasn’t easy, but it was time and I’m looking forward to what my future holds for me! Here’s what my last few days looked like on Maui. Man, will I miss those waters…

Always in my heart, always my home. Hawaii I love you. Thank you for healing me. ❤


Have you ever left your home? This is my umpteenth time leaving, but it’s for good this time. I don’t plan on moving back. Visiting, definitely. Living there, never. This world is too big to stay in one place!

Saying goodbye to my island home

An Ode to a Home (pt. II)

ode to home

The sun feels different in Hawaii. It’s hot, but not excruciating – it’s more like a hug, a warm embrace. The breeze wraps around your face like a soft shawl. The birds sing melodies only the islands can understand.

I have moved away from Hawaii many times in my life, but I have always been drawn back – it’s as though I am magnetic and the islands are only attracted to my type of metal. So when I was struggling last year, I knew that the islands would heal me. Being back here, where everything is familiar, where the sunshine has healing powers and the waters wash every bit of negativity away, I knew I would be okay.

In the last 8 months that I have been back, I have been transformed inside and out.

I came to Hawaii seeking comfort, refuge, clarity, and support. I left with so much more.

As I type this on the plane, watching the islands grow smaller and smaller from my window seat, I’m reflecting on everything this place has done for me.

When I stepped off the plane a few months ago, I was broken, distraught and hurt. I had lost everything I had and I had no plan. But the island had plans for me.

Over the next few months, I put everything I had out in the open. I poured every emotion, regret, grudge, and negative feeling out and for the first time, I didn’t allow those feelings to come back inside. I let them out and kept them out, replacing them with positivity, growth, light and joy. After many, many months of grieving, crying in the shower, in my bedroom, in the closet, on the drive home. After breaking down and asking the universe WHY, I finally let it all go. I spent many hours and days soaking up the sunshine. Laid in the sand. Hiked in the mountains. Swam in the sea. I wrote down every thought – good and bad. I just wrote, and wrote, and wrote. I went to church. I practiced yoga. I started loving my body, my skin, my heart. I prayed. I forgave. I accepted my life for what it is, not what it ought to be.

I searched high and low for answers, but the only thing that made sense was this: You are here now, so be here now. After all this time of thinking and planning and wishing and wanting to be someone else and somewhere else, I finally let go and let it be. Say it with me:

I am who I am, and at this moment I am where I am so I will appreciate this for what it is.

Throughout the years, the islands have been my safety net, a home that nurtured me and taught me to appreciate life for everything it is, a place I come to when life gets hard, a place I love that loves me back, a place that is comfortable and familiar.

Hawaii is every definition of home that could ever exist, and it is going to be excruciatingly difficult to find another place that can compare, but I have peace in knowing that everything I need is inside of me and so long as I carry that with me, I can create a home wherever I go.

An Ode to a Home (pt. II)

An Ode to a Home

When we were house hunting, we didn’t know what we wanted – we were just excited to finally be together.

I remember when we went to view this house. The lawn was unkempt, the whole house wreaked, there were marker drawings all over the walls and carpets, and it was over budget.

But for some reason, we were drawn to it. The house was close to my work, not too big and not too small, it overlooked a lake, and the owners loved us.

It was meant to be.

This house held so many memories – good and bad – and when I closed the door, handed over the keys, and left it for the last time, it was overwhelming.

This is where we would begin our life together – but it’s also where our love ended.

This is where we set up our first Christmas tree, wrapped garland around the banisters, cooked countless chicken dinners (because that’s all I can seem to cook), watched our favorite TV shows.

This house is where we brought a kitten home, where I sat out on the porch and “tanned,” where friends visited and stayed with us and marveled at how “in love” we seemed.

Laughter and love filled this house to the brim. But this is also where we fought, and cried, and yelled, and wondered how in the world we ever thought this could work out. This is where I was at my lowest, but it’s also where I was at my highest.

I was in love in this house, but I also lost that love in this house.

We made plans for our future in this house, talked about kids’ names, jobs we’d love to have, where we’d want to live, how our wedding would be.

And at the end, we cried and said our very last goodbye in this house.

I learned so much about love, partners, life, and myself living in this house, that I can’t help but be thankful.

This house was many things in the short year I lived in it. But one thing it will never stop being is a lesson, a stepping stone, something to remember but never to relive.

An Ode to a Home

Last Days in Canada

Three weeks ago, I decided to leave the home and life I made myself in Canada. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, and it was really rough on me. Luckily, friends from work were there for me, friends from college kept me company on the phone, and my mom flew up to help me pack up and move.

Here are some photos from my last moments in Canada – a place I was lucky to call home for even a short while.

Canada, I’ll never forget you and all the lessons you taught me.

Last Days in Canada

Home

You’re probably wondering where I’ve been. The last you heard from me, I was going on vacation to Hawaii to visit my family – that was a month ago. Since then, I’ve been silent on social media, here on this blog, and I haven’t been on my phone much either. 

I’ve got an explanation, but to keep it short: I’m back home in Hawaii for good.

You’re probably thinking: What about Canada? Your life? Boyfriend? Cat? Everything?

The funny thing is, sometimes life doesn’t work the way you think it will. Things change. People change. And before you know it, nothing is the same. 

It’s pretty wild how much everything can change in the matter of a few days. But it’s somewhat comforting as well, to know that no matter what, you’re never stuck in a situation, you aren’t necessarily tied down to a specific place, job, person, or life. And if you aren’t happy with your current place in life, you have all the power to change it.

So here I am, sitting at my desk in Hawaii. Here I am, writing this in the middle of the night because for the life of me, I can’t shake this time difference. Here I am, working on crafting my new life.

I’m terrified and nervous and overwhelmed, but I’m also excited and grateful to have this opportunity to start fresh in a new place with my family to lean on.

As always, thank you for sticking with me through all the craziness and changes and ups and downs and twists and turns. I’m grateful to have you as my little support group, you make everything easier and much more fun.

Cheers to changes in life!

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