Blue Christmas

This year’s Christmas was full of love and I was so lucky to be surrounded by family and people who love me. However, that doesn’t mean the holidays weren’t hard on me, because they were.

I think it’s tough on anyone who just got out of a relationship to celebrate the holidays because of all the memories associated with them. Also, ’tis the season to be jolly, right? Well, I’m sure we can all agree it’s hard to be jolly when everything is so different.

This year, I didn’t have a sappy caption under an adorable photo. I didn’t kiss anyone in front of the tree. I didn’t buy gifts for my “future in-laws.”

This year, I’m alone. But it’s okay.

Sure, I still find myself fighting back tears when all the memories start to weigh on my heart and the loneliness seeps in like a blinding fog.

But with each day, it’s getting easier, and I know it will only continue to get easier as time goes on and I become stronger and happier.

The holidays were exceptionally hard for me this year. And now, I finally understand why there are so many people who dread this time of year.

And if you’re one of them, I truly hope you find comfort in the coming New Year – a time to start fresh, push the past year aside, and move toward your future.


Now that I’ve got that off my heart, here are some photos from my Christmas this year.

I was lucky enough to spend it with my family and loved ones. We cooked, baked, laughed and shared memories. It was a wonderful day, that I’ll miss next year when I’m somewhere new.

Here’s what my Christmas looked like.


How did you celebrate this year? ❤️

Blue Christmas

An Ode to a Home

When we were house hunting, we didn’t know what we wanted – we were just excited to finally be together.

I remember when we went to view this house. The lawn was unkempt, the whole house wreaked, there were marker drawings all over the walls and carpets, and it was over budget.

But for some reason, we were drawn to it. The house was close to my work, not too big and not too small, it overlooked a lake, and the owners loved us.

It was meant to be.

This house held so many memories – good and bad – and when I closed the door, handed over the keys, and left it for the last time, it was overwhelming.

This is where we would begin our life together – but it’s also where our love ended.

This is where we set up our first Christmas tree, wrapped garland around the banisters, cooked countless chicken dinners (because that’s all I can seem to cook), watched our favorite TV shows.

This house is where we brought a kitten home, where I sat out on the porch and “tanned,” where friends visited and stayed with us and marveled at how “in love” we seemed.

Laughter and love filled this house to the brim. But this is also where we fought, and cried, and yelled, and wondered how in the world we ever thought this could work out. This is where I was at my lowest, but it’s also where I was at my highest.

I was in love in this house, but I also lost that love in this house.

We made plans for our future in this house, talked about kids’ names, jobs we’d love to have, where we’d want to live, how our wedding would be.

And at the end, we cried and said our very last goodbye in this house.

I learned so much about love, partners, life, and myself living in this house, that I can’t help but be thankful.

This house was many things in the short year I lived in it. But one thing it will never stop being is a lesson, a stepping stone, something to remember but never to relive.

An Ode to a Home

Home

You’re probably wondering where I’ve been. The last you heard from me, I was going on vacation to Hawaii to visit my family – that was a month ago. Since then, I’ve been silent on social media, here on this blog, and I haven’t been on my phone much either. 

I’ve got an explanation, but to keep it short: I’m back home in Hawaii for good.

You’re probably thinking: What about Canada? Your life? Boyfriend? Cat? Everything?

The funny thing is, sometimes life doesn’t work the way you think it will. Things change. People change. And before you know it, nothing is the same. 

It’s pretty wild how much everything can change in the matter of a few days. But it’s somewhat comforting as well, to know that no matter what, you’re never stuck in a situation, you aren’t necessarily tied down to a specific place, job, person, or life. And if you aren’t happy with your current place in life, you have all the power to change it.

So here I am, sitting at my desk in Hawaii. Here I am, writing this in the middle of the night because for the life of me, I can’t shake this time difference. Here I am, working on crafting my new life.

I’m terrified and nervous and overwhelmed, but I’m also excited and grateful to have this opportunity to start fresh in a new place with my family to lean on.

As always, thank you for sticking with me through all the craziness and changes and ups and downs and twists and turns. I’m grateful to have you as my little support group, you make everything easier and much more fun.

Cheers to changes in life!

Home